the devil took me down

To this day, when I hear the words "crank" "tweak" "speed" I still get sick to my stomach. The adrenaline starts pumpin and all the good and bad thoughts come rushing back. It's amazing to think that after all it has put me through, I still wish sometimes that I could smoke a bowl. Just one hit...maybe two. Meth has completely destroyed my life. Here I am sitting at my full time job, at my desk, typing my true story so that others can read it and then make their own choice. If anyone knows, I know that you can't make someone quit.

It started in 2003 when my husband and I wanted to "try something fun and different". Smoking weed was just too boring. I would give anything to go back to the night I smoked crank for the first time. Because after I blew out my first cloud I instantly knew it was not my last. We did it in moderation at first, but the more nights we spent awake, the more days we spent chasing that high. Chasing those dealers that had better shit than the last, and spending our money to watch our perfect little life go up in smoke. While we slowly went insane. I could sit here all day and give you all the scary details, but I'm not sure that I have enough time. When your husband starts seeing things that aren't there, and accusing you and the world of being against him, you know that it's all over with.

On November 6th, 2006 the department of Child Protective Services stepped in and removed my two little kids. They were placed with my husbands parents. It was the most devastating day of my life. I wanted to give up, but something inside me didn't allow that. I didn't quit right away, it was too hard. Losing my kids to CPS because of a meth addiction was enough to make me want to go to sleep and never wake up. My husband and I ended up going our separate ways, because we didn't know what else to do. We enrolled ourselves in outpatient rehabs and started trying to recover. We both moved out of our house and walked away from everything we knew, the end result being a foreclosure. After almost two years passing by, many AA meetings, county drug tests, anger management classes, and outpatient rehab, I finally regained custody of my kids on May 5th, 2008. It was a long road that I don't ever want to walk down again. Meth ruined my life almost to the point of no return. It takes a lot of hard work to recover from something like this, and I can honestly say that if it wasn't for my family and friends I would have never made it this far. So please if you're reading this, learn from my mistake. Especially if you have little ones involved, because you are only hurting them. So put the pipe down, turn around and walk away. Don't ever look back, it's not worth it. You'll end up losing everything before you realize that it's even a problem.