will tina be the death of us?

Will Tina be the death of us?
by Michael Thomas Angelo
April 2004, HIV Stops With Me guest contributor

The trick from last night, whose name you can’t remember at the moment has just finished snorting all of your crystal from the plate. Another random hunk hasn’t left your apartment since he rang your bell over a week ago. And no one has any cash to kick down for more Tina. Top it off with that urgent message from the Department of Public Health. You swear you’ll take care of business today. As soon as you find that pipe. Who took the pipe? With frantic obsession, you hit your knees and begin the search. The room continues to spin and no one can find the “pause” button.

A familiar scenario in the gay “party” scene as crystal meth, AKA “Tina” or Crissy” continues to feature prominently in social/sexual circles. Media headlines have been blaring evidence of crystal’s relation to HIV for years. “Crystal Meth Use Boosts STD Rates Among Gay Men,” read the latest from USA Today.

In San Francisco, health officials quote shocking statistics that say gay men who use crystal are more likely to be infected with HIV and other STDs. Some say the problem has reached “epidemic” proportions. Are gay men killing off the population in pursuit of “PNP”, party and play? Are we bent on self-destruction as a future devoid of hope sweeps the population in crystalline form? Will Tina be the death of us?

Although popular as a practice and lifestyle, “tweaking” still carries a heavy social stigma among gays. A fear of denigration keeps men from talking about the drug as it becomes problematic in their lives. If crystal use can lead to increased occurrences of HIV, why do men sweep the issue under the rug? If men are screwing around without a clue as to reducing their health risks, it is no wonder why infection rates continue to climb.

A personal risk reduction plan that establishes boundaries of behavior does not have to sidle up to extremes. One does not have to fear sex or shy away from adventures simply because he is aware of the risks involved. Conversely, he does not need to use the media’s statistics as an excuse to become everyone’s favorite bareback gang-bang prop. Yes, but how do we formulate our own conclusions about drug use, sex and risk without a venue to voice concern?

San Francisco is lucky because resources do exist for the party ‘n’ play set or those interested in the habits thereof. Tweaker.org, with its ubiquitous bare-chested devil freak brand, has been infiltrating tweaker lairs for over a year. Operated by the Stonewall Project, a harm reduction substance use clinic for gay/bisexual men who use crystal, the campaign is no stranger to the city. It returns as the prodigal stepbrother to 1997s defunct “Crissy” blitz that was originally produced by Stop AIDS.

Besides the project’s presence on the web, a San Francisco social marketing campaign has grown up and refined messages of moderation relating to drug use and sexual risk taking. Beginning with guerrilla style stickers that dotted alleys and byways, tweaker.org’s intent to say something culminated in taking over a space on the wall left vacant by the AIDS Quilt’s absence. Each question posed by the ever-changing ad on Castro and Market Streets pushes the envelope just a bit further. Examples of web content include a changing list of tweaking tips for “party boys.” Tips include advice on health, navigating the sex scene and lifestyle issues from keeping a budget to keeping your sanity. A broad list of referrals to other city services for people who want to quit or manage their sex/drug use exists as well as a forum where people can post thoughts and responses to a discussion questions related to tweaking. Funded through the San Francisco Department of Public Health’s Office of AIDS Prevention, the site is staffed mostly by volunteer “peer educators” who decide what issues they would like to be presented.

I created the Rigz character to serve as a spokes model icon for “MSM IDU’s,” that’s federal-speak for gay boys/men who run the rig and shoot IV crystal. Being an IDU myself (by federal reporting standards, the label sticks for life once pricked), I soon realized the urgent need for a trusted source of direction. I wanted to bring the practice into the open and ask “point” blank about needle issues. Needle sharing was not so much a factor of risk as much as the reckless abandon that accompanied tweak-n-freak sex sessions. Crystal turns up the volume on any setting and enhances the set. If a “slam-n-fuck” element is added to an already charged sexual scene, it can hit orgiastic levels. I ask, “Where would you insert the risk reduction plan into the scene just described?” The same risk factors are present for most gay men who use crystal, regardless of preferred route of administration.

Tweaker.org’s Rigz campaign is one example of the group’s mission to bring touchy issues out into the open where they can be discussed and mined for solutions. A recent ad the group circulated asked, “Were you high when you got HIV?” The words typed in simple font taunted viewers to questions their own practices. As I wasn’t high when I seroconverted two years ago, I still pondered the behavior that led to my infection. Condom fatigue and a belief I held deep down that my choice to abstain from drugs for a few years would protect me from HIV were all I needed to engage that summer. In a twist of irony, testing positive during that extended period of drug abstinence gave me a wake-up call and allowed me to see the tangled connections between sex and drugs and their inherent risks.

As an openly HIV positive, T-shirt wearing “tweaker” my goal is to open lines of communication about risk factors. The level of secrecy about drug use always baffled me when I first happened upon the party scene nearly 10 years ago. Even though “everyone’s doing it,” no one was acknowledging it. And the more I asked for answers and advice, the more my presence was regarded with suspicion. I had to learn about crystal’s potential to damage the old-fashioned way. It is true that misuse of crystal can lead to devastation. Homelessness from eviction, loss of assets and alienation from family and friends are all possible consequences. Coupled with STD/HIV infection and a lousy group of hangers-on to list as cronies, the use of Tina can really wreck someone’s world.

But it doesn’t have to. You can be a responsible, drug using sexual freak, positive or negative. What’s your choice?