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what the fuck happened?

 

 

I am 38 years old and have been on meth for 2 years. I did acid, shrooms, coke, and alcohol in high school. even did meth once. I became a raging alcoholic and got sober as soon as I turned 23. life was ok. I had the same aa sponsor for 13 years. I wouldn't say I had too many friends, but the ones I had meant the world to me. las vegas is a very transient town, so every couple years u have to make new friends.
I picked up a guy and brought him home, and he had crystal. I had no needle nor his second choice a pipe. he asked if he could snort a line, and I said sure. he asked if I wanted a line, I wanted to know what all this pnp fuss was all about and I said sure. how the fuck do I stop this stuff.
 
I am late on bills, my house is in foreclosure. I still have my job, but I'm sure they are waiting for me to fuck something up. they know. I've had aweful hallucinations. my mood swings are relentless. I haven't talked to these dear friends for 2 years cause I just can't tell them that I really fucked up. I just want to smoke more and more. I have always hated my house and longed for apartment living, but kept it for my 3 dogs. they don't know they are dogs, I love them as anyone could. but when my rottweiler looks at me, I feel her judgement. she hates the drug. she hates mushrooms worse, or at least she can't handle the effect it has on me. but with the crystal, its just the knowing stare that I am fucking up my life. the puppy has issues and max don't know why we don't go to the park all the time anymore.
 
I also met a great guy. we have been together 8 months. but since I brought him into my house, he doesn't clean, or look for a job. once we were off everything for 3 weeks and he started doing things. if I get off this drug and he actually leaves the bed again, he could be the only thing good that came out of this drug. was he as lonely as I was the day that guy offered me a line? just looking for a friend that didn't want in the pants, screaming out in his head, I get it u guys want sex, but please, will someone please hang out and play a video game or go to a movie. oh yeah I don't go to movies anymore, I now download everything.
 
I am up 24/7. tweaker twinks are my new friends. they are awesone when they see a half oz ready to be stuffed into pipes. I can literally do anything I want to their young and overly abused bodies. the shadow people aren't around much, meth monsters took their place. in 1 hallucination, I figured out how all the chatrooms and methstitutes and mexican mafia all worked together. I emailed the fbi with screennames and thank god I didn't press send. but I started telling the room off. ill never forget that 1 guy said, we lost another 1. as I'm watching all the tweakers log in and out and changig info on their profile on 3 different servers, I got very scared and knew the mexican mafia was gunning for me. I looked out my window and 3 neigbors were up at 430 am looking at my house. cars were driving by very slow. they were coming. I was buying a pipe on the other side of town a week earlier and an old woman bought one right befor me. well she came walking down my sidewalk with 2 huge german shepards. I looked out windows until 850 and then ran out to my truck and started driving to my bank. thousands of sunken in faced meth monsters were coming at me from both sides of the street. cars were following me. I was doing donuts to get behind them and u turns to get away. I finally get to my bank.
 
I didn't know home depot was where all the mexicans went for day labor jobs, so I thought that I was dead when I entered the shopping center. inside I told the lady that I needed my account info changed and that I know I sound paranoid, but the mafia is going to clear my accounts and she changed the acct info for me. 2 people waiting were looking at mme and at each other, so I thought I was going to get shot again in the bank. I went home and at 130 I went to work and was telling a co worker a very limited edition to this story, when a car of mexicans drove slowly past my building. the hallucination ended, but I did not think it was. it took a straight tweaker whore 2 months to convince me that it was not real. even today, some of that shit really was not my imagination. well, I'm 1 day off meth, bf situation uncertain, I don't talk to my friends, and my 2 times a week calls to my mom are now bi monthly, I have 2 unemployed roomates, my dogs are getting a clue that they are in fact dogs, my house is a mess, my dick is raw and hurts, I don't think I ever want sex again with anyone, I watched my credit rating go down, and I am wishing I could go get meth tonight. my bf don't want me to, my roommates would beg me to, and I just want to play warhammer online. god, I hope that's enough for tonight. the only good thing I can think of is, the 98% of tweakers that have ripped me off, I have the bomb connect and I have gotten u all 300 times what u have stolen from me. u pay twice as much for a ball tha weighs a teener.
 
you are now all cut off.

cc




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